


Welcoming

by orphan_account



Category: Mark Fischbach/ Sean McLoughlin - Fandom, Septiplier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Scars, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-24 07:46:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7499928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sean is a college student who grew up in a happy household, the environment being all-around supportive. Everything was fine when he came out as gay, moved away, and decided to go to University to study Psychology even though he had always displayed interests in game development. You see, when Sean hit high school, something... short-circuited, as he'd put it, in his brain. And suddenly, all he could do was sit in his room, and play all those games until his brain felt numb, so that he could numb the pain.</p><p>Sean goes to University to study Psychology in hopes to figure out what the hell is wrong with him, has occasional therapy visits whenever he can afford them after saving up from his part-time job, self-harms because there's no time for video games anymore and slicing his arms to bits is the closest he can get, and meets new people. And one just seems a little more welcoming than the blade. For some reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this story was a kind of... spur-of-the-moment type thing. I didn't really plan on writing anything anytime soon, and I can see myself reading over this in a while and overhauling everything eventually. But it's fine. I have a small story map in my head.
> 
> Let's just see where this whirlwind of words takes us, shall we?
> 
> No idea how long this will be, how long it will take me to update (definitely not for another week, no internet but I may come back with lots), or what the pace for it will be, among other things. But I DO plan to stick through it until the end.
> 
> This is gonna be so damn cliche.

Waking up in the morning was a struggle. 

It really doesn’t have to be explained.

You’ve read it before, surely you have. The sufferer has trouble falling asleep, but when they finally do from the lulling hum of the city’s electricity and late-night workers’ cars shining lights that dance on their walls, they don’t want to wake up. The phone alarm blasting in their ear feels like a car alarm, and their ever-lasting headache just won’t give them a break.

They set that alarm fifteen, thirty, sixty minutes before they actually have to get up because they know full well they’ll need to recharge – even though they just slept – in order to swing their legs off the bed. And when they do, they still sit there. 

They’ll either be on their phone the entire time, trying to find motivation in the pixels on their screen, or they’ll just lie with their hands clasped on their stomach, already wide awake. They’ll feel like they’re drowning in a sea of exhausted thoughts, yet those very thoughts keep their brain alert at all times.

And when they finally get up, they still wouldn’t need to, if they were feeling fine – for now they need another hour to just slug around the house, brushing their teeth seeming like a chore as big as building a house.

They won’t eat. Because if they do, they’ll just throw it up again anyway.

And this was Sean’s typical morning. It had been for a few years, starting the moment when he entered high school.

He didn’t know what triggered it. Maybe it was suddenly being thrown into a new setting, with new people, and a whole new format to life. Maybe it was suddenly being unknown by everyone, because other people found and slid into cliques so easily, while he hung back. Maybe it was the sudden stress of having to grow up.

But whatever the cause was didn’t really matter. What mattered was that he found himself during his first of many prayed-for lunch periods sobbing and shaking in a bathroom stall because holy fuck, his chest felt like it was on fire, he couldn’t breathe, and he couldn’t feel his limbs.

He was late for the period after the bell rang, and didn’t go for the rest of the week. He felt too sick.

And his mom was like that. If she thought her baby was feeling even a degree under the weather, in a heartbeat, she’d let him stay home. Even during the very first week of his high school career. 

But that fact made the whole situation just that much worse for Sean. Strangely.

And every day after that, it got worse.

So here he was, first year of college, and it felt like history was repeating itself. He was so glad he could walk out of those classes without getting in trouble – he could do practically anything without getting in trouble, in this environment – and go take breaks outside. He often found himself there, arms wrapped around himself, and feeling too ashamed to go back in even after the sudden panic wore off. 

The familiar trees above him swayed, leaves falling in the cool breeze. It was Autumn, and the wind was heavy – he decided he’d blame that for his heavy breathing. 

Just like the onset of his illnesses, he had no idea what caused this. He was just sitting in a Psych lecture, listening to the professor drone on and on about stuff that didn’t really matter, and then he could feel his heart racing, pulse quickening, and his breaths getting shallower.

His arms felt cold. His chest felt hot. He had a long sleeve on – as he always did, for the weather and to shield his arms from stares – but he still felt entirely freezing. Probably because he hadn’t eaten yet that day, just like every other day.

Sighing, still trying to regain his breath, he gulped. Breathing deeply, he closed his eyes, hands moving to rub his arms as his leg jittered up and down compulsively. His bag sat beside him, and he hummed to himself, a familiar tune from long ago.

And then there was another voice joining his own, and Sean’s whole body jumped instead of just his leg.

He had been so caught up in his own head, trying to calm himself down, that he didn’t even realize there was another man sitting right beside him, so close he could almost feel the heat radiating off of him. But then, that could just have been because, due to his already below-zero body temperature, everything else felt hotter than it should.

Scooching to the side and away from the welcoming heat, he held his breath, and the panic attack that he had finally willed away almost reversed itself and came back. Wide-open blue eyes landed on a fiery man, quite literally – his hair was tipped bright red, and he was laughing, looking over at the other.

“Zelda theme song, eh? Good taste,” he said with a chuckle, his voice a low, teasing baritone as he held a hand up, his thumb pointed upward. 

But then Sean couldn’t hear it anymore; all he could hear was the slap of his shoes against the concrete, his bag’s contents rumbling around as he slung it over his shoulder in haste, and the other man’s shocked “hey!” fading far behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

Well, that was smart of him.

Step 1: Have a panic attack in the middle of class for no goddamn reason.

Step 2: Go outside to calm down. Do it; eyes closed now. No cheating.

Step 3: Run from a stranger who said no more than six words (two of which being a compliment). 

And finally,

Step 4: Sit in the nearest bathroom, having an anxiety attack literally ten times as bad as the one in class.

In fact, ten times as bad as the normal ones; it had been a long time since Sean had felt such terror building in his chest, and he wasn’t entirely sure why. All that had happened was there was a man speaking to him, and he didn’t seem rude; in fact, he seemed sweet, like he wanted to be friends. And he had super nice, bright, red hair.

That was it. And that must have been it. The fact that he was a stranger and had, honestly, extremely cool hair was intimidating. And he liked video games, apparently.

Oh god, okay, Sean had to stop thinking. Right now. His head was swimming from all of the new information, going into overdrive, as it always does. He felt sick, like he was about to puke, and was mildly aware of his thankfulness for being near a toilet. He was sweaty, clammy, with hands that were hot and trembling.

One thing about Sean was that he was always stuck in his head, and it always deepened whatever he was feeling. No matter what. No matter where he was – whether it be in class, out with friends, or even stuck in a bathroom stall – he couldn’t focus on anything but his thoughts. Not that he wanted to focus on them, no… they were just too overbearing.

So overbearing, in fact, that he hadn’t even realized how long he had been in the stall, trying not to cry and to regulate his breathing, flipping through endless thoughts, until his text tone snapped him out of his reverie. 

He was still panicking, and the fact that he had something important to attend to now – besides class, obviously, but it’s not like he cared much about that – made it just that slightest bit worse. Feeling under immediate pressure, which would have been stupid to a normal person, since it was just a text, he grabbed his cell phone which sat atop the toilet paper dispenser.

Unlocking it with shaky, pale fingers, his blurry vision zoned in on the text slowly, his eyes finally and momentarily coming back into focus.

From: Felix  
12:19PM  
Hey! Where are you? 

Alright, great. So he had been in that bathroom for over an hour, class had long ended, and he was feeling like total shit. And now his best friend seemed to be implying that he wanted to meet with him. Which he couldn’t.

Felix didn’t know about how panicky he was. Well, that was somewhat of a lie – Sean had been going to a therapist every once in a while, whenever he could afford it, and Felix sometimes pitched in when it got extremely bad and Sean couldn't fully cover the expenses. They had known each other since around the middle of their first high school year, and hit it off instantly.

However, Felix tended to be a little bit of a stubborn mule, and pried and pried about why Sean never wanted to leave his house, some times way more than others. Eventually, Sean opened up to him the following year, and he actually was the one to suggest seeing a therapist.

Sean did eventually admit that it was a good idea, but sometimes, it got so bad that he just neglected going back, even when he had saved up enough from his part-time job. 

Normally, you’d think he’d go more when it got worse. But that’s not quite how it always works.

Sean, usually, felt that he deserved all of this, as much as he desperately wanted it to stop. But when the power was then in his own hands to make it do so, he just couldn’t find it in him to do it.

And luckily – well, unluckily, if common sense was being used – Sean got better and better at hiding how much his chest hurt as the years went on. And Felix bought it so very easily, taking Sean not going to his therapist as him getting better, even though the complete opposite was happening in reality. Right under his nose.

To: Felix  
12:26PM  
Just around. Why?

It took him a while to mull over a response. He couldn’t just say he was shaking in the bathroom, tears now brimming faster and threatening to fall. But he couldn’t lie either, so stating something vague was his best bet. 

Putting a hand over his face and breathing deeply, slowly, eyes burning, he waited for a text back.

Eventually, it came, but not before the tears did. Perfect timing; he knew he’d have to go out with Felix, and he was doing good. He really was. There were no tears. He could pretend he was fine. But now it was pretty much impossible to leave; he’d have red eyes, sharply contrasting his extremely pale skin, and he’d be on such high alert there would be no way he could enjoy himself while out. And on top of that, he'd be exhausted; these attacks always drained him entirely, and he'd have to recharge for a few days. Which would then ruin the time out, and any impending time out, for Felix. And Sean would end up feeling so damn guilty, and therefore so much worse.

From: Felix (1)  
12:32PM  
Wanted to know if you’d be interested in grabbing lunch with me. Class just ended and I’m bored. 

From: Felix (2)  
12:33PM  
Really don’t feel like going to my next one either, so we could stay out longer if you wanted. I know your next class isn’t until the evening.

Okay, fair. One blessing in the day was that his next class was, in fact, not until around seven, while Felix’s was at two. And Felix knew all about what was wrong… not to the extent that it was at the moment, but he knew all the same.

Slowly, Sean’s fingers fluttered over the keyboard. He switched to one hand so his other one could wipe at his eyes with his sleeve, gulping and hiccuping slightly, wanting to prevent the tears from pooling at his neck. He leaned against one stall wall, trying to balance himself as his head continued to flounder.

To: Felix  
12:37PM  
I guess. Meet me outside the bathroom in the West building. 

From: Felix  
12:38PM  
Okay. Everything good?

Sean bit his lip, and couldn’t help the small smile that twisted his lips. He knew Felix cared, he did. Even when the thoughts in his head that he couldn’t control tried to tell him otherwise, he knew he wasn’t alone. But it was nice to still be asked.

T̶o̶:̶ ̶F̶e̶l̶i̶x̶  
1̶2̶:̶4̶0̶P̶M̶  
O̶n̶c̶e̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶g̶u̶e̶s̶s̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶e̶a̶n̶.̶ ̶N̶o̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶.̶ ̶S̶u̶r̶e̶.̶

T̶o̶:̶ ̶F̶e̶l̶i̶x̶  
1̶2̶:̶4̶1̶P̶M̶  
Y̶e̶a̶h̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶b̶i̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶,̶ ̶d̶e̶a̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶.̶

T̶o̶:̶ ̶F̶e̶l̶i̶x̶  
1̶2̶:̶4̶2̶P̶M̶  
N̶o̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶g̶o̶.̶ ̶P̶l̶e̶a̶s̶e̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶.̶

To: Felix  
12:43PM  
Yeah. Be out soon.

It took him forever to think of a correct response. But when he did, he found himself sighing. He'd have to go out, be in public... interact, when all he wanted to do was shut himself in his room again. He left class for a reason.

This would be a lot harder than he had originally thought. But then again, he thought of everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is just a bit of a filler chapter. It's a little longer than the last one and focuses on one event, yes, but it introduces a new character and shows Sean's train of thoughts and how the characters interact. 
> 
> Plus, I have an idea for the next chapter. It could fit in here with a time skip, but I wanted it to be a little spaced out so the fic doesn't move too fast.
> 
> Anywho, hope you guys enjoyed! Thank you for the sweet comments kudos on the last chapter. Very much appreciated <3


End file.
